


To Want and To Need

by misura



Category: American Idol RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Community: Harlequinkradam, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-09
Updated: 2010-09-09
Packaged: 2017-11-01 23:45:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/362623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wherein Adam is a cop, Allison is his boss, Danny is a criminal and Kris is himself. (AU)</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Want and To Need

**Author's Note:**

> prompt: _33\. After accidentally tangling with a drug dealer, Kris is desperate for protection. And the only guy he knows who's trained in this sort of thing is Adam Lambert - the man he left because his job is too dangerous. Yeah. Kind of funny that he's now the one in a heap of danger. But the fact is, he trusts Adam with his life._

[two years ago]

The mission was a bust. Which would have been fine - busting Gokey was the whole point of the mission, after all; the entire reason for the past grueling six months Adam had spent deep undercover, barely talking to his family and friends and Kris - except that it wasn't like that.

"Don't do this to me, Alli."

The mission was a bust, figuratively. As in: the mission was a dud. A failure. A complete waste of time and effort. Half a year of Adam's life down the drain.

"Sorry, Adam." Allison looked every bit as disappointed and furious as Adam felt. It was cold comfort. "We've lost him."

"We can get him again." Adam needed to believe that. "We got this far once, we can - " His boss was shaking her head. "We can't give up!"

Allison sighed. There were dark rings under her eyes, and Adam knew she'd fought for this mission, for _him_ with everything she had. "If we'd caught him with this shipment, then maybe, _maybe_ we could have dragged him in front of a jury and gotten a conviction. _Maybe._ Assuming his lawyers'd let it get that far. Without the shipment - forget it."

"So now what?" Adam snapped. He knew it wasn't Alli's fault, but he needed to snap at _someone_ , and he didn't want it to be Kris, not after six months of barely seeing each other. "We just quit?"

The look Allison gave him was sympathetic. "We go after the small fry. We can do that much, at least, now that we can't get the top dog."

"Mixing your animal metaphors a little there," Adam said, trying to smile. When he got home to Kris, he wanted to be smiling, too. He knew Kris worried about him, even though Adam had told him a hundred times not to - not because Adam's job wasn't dangerous, but because worrying didn't make any difference. It just made Kris unhappy. "But, okay, back to the small fry it is."

"In your case, back to _your boyfriend_ , it is." Allison held up a set of carkeys. "I don't want to see you back at work for the next two days. Go. Remind Kris why he loves you again."

"You want us to have sex for two days straight? Honestly, Alli - "

"Try to get some sleep, too." Allison's eyes were twinkling. She liked Kris - more than she'd liked any of Adam's previous boyfriends, most of whom had been, well, nothing at all like Kris. Adam still wondered sometimes what he'd ever done to deserve him. "Food. A shower."

"I'm going, I'm going," Adam said, raising his hands in a gesture of surrender.

Allison's car didn't look like it belonged to the leader of any sort of alphabet agency - it was small and bright red and impossible to miss no matter how tired you were. Completely useless when you wanted to follow someone, or when you wanted to park somewhere for a nice little stake-out, but right now, all Adam wanted to go was go home, to Kris.

Joking aside, he thought it would probably take a whole lot longer than two days to make up for all the nights he hadn't been there.

Of course, that was all the more reason to get started as quickly as possible.

 

[present day]

.01

" - I'm telling you, I thought he was going to kill me."

Kris chuckled, hoping it sounded at least halfway sincere. Although given that Mike seemed to be pretty much plastered, Kris'd probably have to be a lot more obvious if he wanted Mike to notice Kris didn't really think his jokes were funny.

"No, really," Mike went on. "Every time I walk into that office I'm risking my life."

"So you keep telling me." Kris wondered if that had come out a little too bitchy. It was true, though; these past weeks, whenever they went on a date, all Mike seemed able to talk about was how bad his job sucked. And okay, so maybe Mike's firm was going through some rough times. That didn't mean he had to talk about it all the time, did it?

"Well, it's true," Mike said.

Kris snorted. "Sure it is."

"Hey!" Mike glowered at him - or, well, at the empty seat next to Kris. "I'm pouring my heart out to you here, and you think it's - what?"

"I think that maybe you should find a new job," Kris said, voice carefully neutral.

"Yeah, you know what? I think maybe I should find a new _boyfriend_. One who doesn't act like an insensitive jerk all the time. How about that?" Mike slammed his half-full glass down on the table. Kris winced at the sound.

"If that's what you want," he said. Kris'd be lying if he said he hadn't been thinking about it himself - it had just seemed like a shitty thing to do: to dump someone when you knew they were having a bad time at work. He'd told himself that it would be better to wait.

" 'If that's what you want'," Mike mimicked. "Well, so glad I have your permission."

Kris sighed. His head hurt. "Look," he said, "I just don't think things are working out between us."

"Whose fault is that, huh?" Mike asked. "Not mine! _I_ 'm not the one still hung up on someone who dumped him years ago. Or, no, wait - _you_ dumped _him_ , isn't that right?"

"This isn't about - "

"It's always about Alan with you, Kris," Mike said. " _Always._ And I'm sick of it. Have a nice life."

"His name is Adam," Kris said softly, deciding there'd be no point in running after Mike - especially since there still was a bill to be paid. "His name is Adam, and I'm _over_ him."

The words sounded hollow, even to himself.

 

Walking home later that evening, Kris wondered when his life had become such a mess. It was tempting sometimes to think that everything had started to fall apart after he'd broken up with Adam, after five months of waiting by the phone every night, just in case Adam'd find the time to call him.

At some point, Kris had realized their relationship had been reduced to phonecalls - quick messages from Adam or sometimes from Adam's boss, to let him know Adam was still alive.

Every time he'd heard Allison's voice on the other side of the line, Kris's heart had slowed down a little, because he knew she might be calling him to tell him Adam was dead, or presumed dead. Kris knew Adam'd job was important, of course, and Adam'd never lied to Kris about how it would be.

Kris had thought he'd be strong enough. He'd loved Adam - and when Adam was there, that was enough. When Adam was not there, and continued to not be there, Kris had taken a good look at his life and what he wanted to get out of a relationship, and he'd decided that what he had with Adam wasn't it. He didn't want a boyfriend who might get killed doing his job, or one whom he barely saw for weeks or months at a time. He wanted more - and Adam'd never be able to give him that.

Of course, if his past dating experiences were anything to go by, _nobody_ 'd be able to give him that. There'd been Anoop (who was a genius, with all the moodiness that came with that), Matt (nice and easy-going, but the sex had been kind of bland - like: it'd been good, but never great and Kris had sort of felt like he always was the one starting things), Danny (who'd been a total control-freak) and now, the latest contestant in the 'Kris Allen Dating Show', Mike.

Kris sighed as he searched his pockets for the keys to his apartment, absently nodding at two men who were apparently friends of his neighbor - or family, maybe, standing just outside her door.

Mike was probably an okay guy, if you caught him at a good time.

"You live at this apartment?"

Perfect. Now he was being mistaken for a burglar or something like that. Kris smiled sheepishly. Adam had always told him he had an honest face. "Sorry - can't seem to find my keys."

"Name's Kris Allen, is that right?" One of the two had walked past him. It made Kris feel a little uncomfortable. Still, you heard crazy stories sometimes, and if they really thought Kris was some sort of criminal, it'd make sense they'd try to trap him.

"Yeah. Did Paula mention me to you?" Kris liked his neighbor - their tastes in music were a lot alike, although Paula could be quite critical sometimes. Kris'd never quite worked up the courage to tell her _he_ 'd written a few songs, too. He was just dabbling, anyway; it wasn't like he wanted to make a career out of it.

"Who's Paula?" the man in front of Kris asked.

Kris started to feel _really_ uncomfortable now. "What do you want from me?"

"We? Nothing. But our boss, you see, he thinks you took something from him that doesn't belong to you. And he wants it back."

Kris swallowed, stepped back ... collided with Scary Guy Number Two. Right. "I don't know what you're talking about," he said. "Are you saying I stole something?"

Scary Guy Number One scowled at him. "This time, we're only here to deliver a warning. Next time, someone might get hurt. Got it?"

Kris frantically bobbed his head, even though he had no idea what they were talking about. He stared at his two assailants as they walked down the stairs and got in a car. He tried to get a glimpse of the numberplate, but it was dark - he could have run after them, get a better view, only Kris's knees sort of felt like they'd turned to jelly.

Even after he'd (finally!) found his key and gone inside, Kris's hands were still shaking as he went browsing through a stack of old papers, looking for a phonenumber.

*

There were worse ways to wake up after another night spent in a cold and lonely bed than getting a phonecall from the person who still starred in most of Adam's happier fantasies. Especially when the first words they said to you were: "I need you."

On the other hand, there'd been that whole matter of coming home after the worst six months of his life to find a note on the fridge that said, plain and simple: _'Goodbye'_.

"I needed you two years ago, Kris," Adam said. "You weren't there."

He'd expected Kris to deny it - maybe throw a little bit of the blame Adam's way. Those six months that had come before couldn't have been easy for Kris, either.

"I know," Kris said. "I'm sorry."

Adam breathed out. He'd forgotten what Kris was like, how painfully sincere Kris was - in everything he did. Kris'd never been able to lie to him - which was a little embarrassing sometimes when shopping for clothes or asking Kris's opinion on how he looked, but also part of what made Kris so unique.

Unique enough that Adam still hadn't found anyone to take his place after two years.

"What happened?" he asked, softly. "Are you all right?"

The story came out a bit garbled, but Adam got the gist of it.

"Don't go anywhere. Don't open your door unless it's me."

"Yeah," Kris said. "Okay. And um I should probably give you my new address, huh?"

"That'd be sort of helpful, too, yes."

 

While he was driving to the address Kris'd given him, Adam tried to stay calm - or as calm as he could be under the circumstances. He wasn't worried about breaking the speed limit; even if some cop'd go on and give him a ticket after Adam'd showed him his ID, Allison'd just make it disappear.

Adam'd already called her to tell her about Kris. Depending on how serious Kris's problem was, he might need to call on her for some official unofficial help, too. Whatever was best for Kris.

Which might not necessarily be the best for Adam.

Granted, Kris had called him for help. He hadn't mentioned anything about wanting to get back together though. Maybe Kris'd thought Adam'd gotten someone new and hadn't wanted to risk alienating the one person who he thought could help him.

And maybe _Kris_ was the one who'd found someone new, and it hadn't even occured to him that Adam might not have done the same. It had been tempting, those first few months, to use the Agency's resources to find Kris, keep an eye on him - just to make sure Kris was all right, of course.

Instead, Adam'd asked Allison, and five minutes later, he'd gotten a ten-page report, showing Kris had rented a new place (address blacked out) about four weeks earlier. 

This time, it had taken her a little longer. Probably because ex-boyfriends from two years ago weren't considered to be of much interest.

"No unusual amounts of cash transfered to or from any of his bank-accounts, no complaints filed to the police by him or any of his neighbors, no trouble at work, as far as we know." A moment's pause, then: "A few table-reservations in his name popped up - table for two, nothing outside of his price-range."

"So he's dating," Adam said. "Okay, got it."

"Officially, I'm telling you to play nice," Allison said. "Unofficially, whoever the guy is, he's not you. Take him down and get Kris back. The Agency's got your back on this one, Adam. Go for it."

"He left me for a reason."

Allison snorted. "Oh, go on and guilt-trip me into giving you a budget so you can take him out to dinner someplace fancy, why don't you?"

"Thanks, but 'fancy' isn't really Kris's style. At least, it didn't use to be," Adam amended.

"Last book he bought was the latest Richard Stevenson - last CD Kelly Clarkson."

Kris's taste in music hadn't changed, at least.

As to his taste in boyfriends - well, Adam'd just have to wait and see. He wasn't going to push for more when Kris just needed a friend, but if Kris wanted more than a friend, Adam didn't think he'd be able to say anything other than 'yes'.

 

.02

" - and you have absolutely no idea what they were talking about," Adam asked for what felt like the hundredth time. Kris tried not to get fed up with all the questions, really he did; he'd called Adam for help and in order to help him, Adam needed answers - Kris got that.

He just wished Adam'd get that Kris didn't _have_ any answers. No, he'd never seen the two guys before. No, he hadn't taken anything that didn't belong to him. No, not even by accident. No, he hadn't signed for any packages.

Two days of questions, questions, questions. Two days of Adam looking at Kris like he was barely even seeing him. Maybe Kris should have been relieved; once he'd stopped to think about it, he'd realized that seeing Adam again after two years might be a little awkward.

"No." Adam'd told him pretty much straight off that he'd be sleeping on the couch. And okay, so Kris hadn't ever thought Adam might suggest he'd sleep in the bed, with Kris, except that yes, maybe some small part of him had hoped Adam'd at least _suggest_ it. Hint at it. Imply it was an option.

"So um, are you seeing someone?" Kris asked.

Adam's face turned unreadable again. "I don't think that's relevant to finding out why someone's threatening you. On the other hand," he went on, "it might be a good idea to check with your boyfriend. Could be he's mixed up in this somehow."

"Oh." Adam thought he had a boyfriend. Well, that explained why he was keeping his distance, although Kris had no idea why Adam would make that assumption - unless, of course, he was basing it on the fact that _he_ had a boyfriend, too. "I uh I'm single." At least he'd managed not to say 'free'.

"Recent break-up?" Adam asked, looking faintly interested for the first time.

"Pretty recently, I guess. Two days ago." When he had been keeping his distance, Adam'd looked attractive. Hot, even - especially since Kris _knew_ what it was like to kiss those lips, to touch that hair that was a lot softer than it looked. A guy could bury his hands in that hair.

When Adam gave you his full attention, he was irresistable.

"On the same night you were threatened," Adam said. "That didn't strike you as suspicious?"

"What?" Kris said. "You think - oh, come on! Mike wouldn't ... "

Mike'd never given him anything anyway - well, he'd treated Kris to lunch, once, but even if Mike'd been involved in some sort of shady business, Kris sure hadn't seen any signs of it.

"First name Mike - got a last name for me?" Adam looked ... animated. Excited. Like someone Kris could fall for all over again, because the one night of the week Adam'd be there would more than make up for the six nights he wouldn't be.

Too bad it was just excitement at finally having found a suspect. "Michael Carver," Kris said. A suspect that would help him solve the case so that he could get away from Kris again. "But I really don't think he's got anything to do with those two guys."

Adam'd already taken out his cellphone. Kris wondered if Allison was still in charge at the office. He should probably dislike her for being the one who put Adam's life in danger, but somehow, Allison was one of those people it was impossible to not like. She'd looked nothing at all like the way Kris'd have expected someone in her position to look like.

"Michael Carver," he heard Adam say. "See if you can dig up anything? Thanks."

 

The third day, it was Thursday, which meant - "Idol night!" a female voice announced cheerfully, throwing open the door to the living room.

"It's my neighbor!" Kris jumped up, a good five seconds after Adam - who at least hadn't pulled a gun or anything like that, although Paula's sudden entrance had probably scared the living daylights out of him. In hindsight, Kris probably should have mentioned he'd given his neighbor a key, which she didn't hesitate to use to invite herself over. "Um."

Paula stared at Adam. Adam stared back.

"Well," she said, "I was wondering about the racket last night. I guess now I know."

Kris turned red. "It's not - we're not - "

"Sorry if we kept you awake," Adam said, cool as you please. "My name's Adam."

"Are we on first-name basis already? Paula." She shook his hand, smiling back as Adam smiled at her, while Kris wondered what on Earth was going on. "So, you're Kris's latest. I always did tell him he could do better than those losers he kept bringing home. Good for you, honey."

"Excuse us for a moment," Kris said, grabbing Adam's arm and dragging him to the kitchen. "What are you _doing_?" he whispered, in spite of the fact that Paula was unlikely to be able to hear them from behind a closed door. Kris wouldn't quite put it past her to be listening at the door, though.

Adam shrugged. "It's as good a coverstory as any."

"She didn't hear _anything_ last night!"

"I like her," Adam said.

"And my former boyfriends weren't all losers."

"Sure they were."

"Oh, right," Kris said. "Because they weren't _you_?" Mike had said that to him, he remembered, accusing Kris of still being too hung up on Adam to be happy with anyone else.

"I was going to say: because they're not with you anymore," Adam said softly.

"Um." Kris wondered what Adam would do if Kris tried to kiss him. Or, you know, just offered it as a possibility. "You're here now."

"Yeah," Adam said. "And your nosy neighbor is right behind that door, waiting for the popcorn. Not to mention that American Idol is starting in five minutes."

"What if she hadn't been?" Kris asked.

Adam gave him a long look. "In my line of work, you learn never to ask 'what if'."

*

Michael Carver was clean, except for a few parking tickets. On the other hand, it had been five days now, and nobody had shown up to threaten Kris some more, or even to search his apartment while he wasn't there. In theory, they might have spotted Megan keeping an eye on things while Kris was off to his job with Adam tagging along as his bodyguard; in practice, Adam doubted it.

If whomever was after Kris was really good enough to spot Megan, they wouldn't have bothered sending the two bullies in the first place. They'd just have snuck in and out and taken what they wanted. Adam had already been over Kris's apartment himself, but nothing had stuck out.

By the looks of it, they were going to have to play the waiting game. It was a game Adam should be good at by now, only it had never before been Kris's safety on the line.

"On a personal note, how's Mission: Get Kris Back going?" Allison asked.

Adam looked at Kris who was sitting opposite him at the breakfast table with the kind of bedhair that made Adam want to drag him right back there. "Nothing to report."

"You're not even trying, are you?"

"I'll call you if anything changes."

"No, you won't."

"All right," Adam said. "Kris is trying to steal my pancakes, so I've got to go. Bye."

"Hey!" Kris said.

"What? It was Allison. She knows you're not the kind of guy who steals someone's pancakes just because they're on the phone during breakfast," Adam said reasonably.

Kris bit his lip, looking like there was something he wanted to say but didn't quite dare to. It kind of ruined the moment, Adam felt; they'd been relaxed enough before, even when Adam'd walked in on Kris coming straight out of the shower. Although this 'look but don't touch' routine was getting old fast, Adam knew it still was the way to go. Kris had been the one to leave; Kris had to be the one to make the first move to get back together - and calling Adam because he'd been scared didn't count.

"It's just ... nice, you know?" Kris said at last. "I like having you around."

Adam smiled. "I like being around you."

"But you're only doing it because someone threatened me," Kris said. "I mean, back when we were together, we hardly ever had breakfast together. That's - that's what it takes for you to spend some time with me? For my life to be in danger?"

"Of course not," Adam said. "I mean - I'm not here because it's my job. I'm here because of _you_."

"You didn't come looking for me." Kris made it sound like an accusation. "You didn't even _try_ to get back in touch with me for two years."

"You moved and changed your cellphone!" It stung, to have Kris sound like Adam could have had him back as easy as that, simply by giving in to temptation instead of resisting it, respecting Kris's privacy.

"I didn't think that would stop you," Kris said. "I mean, you could have found me easily enough."

"Well, excuse me for not being some creepy stalker type of guy."

That got a smile, at least. "Sorry," Kris said. "Sorry."

Adam decided not to ask if Kris was apologizing for the suggestion Adam might have tracked him down by using means not available to regular people, or for leaving in the first place.

 

Things remained a little tense all morning, but then Kris went to some small studio in the afternoon and just like that, Kris was back to being as relaxed and happy as Adam had ever seen him.

"Still dreaming of becoming famous, huh?"

Kris shook his head, grinning. "It's not about the fame - it's about the music."

"That's what everyone says," Adam said. "Admit it: deep down inside, you just want to walk the red carpet with Justin Timberlake."

"Not my type, thanks," Kris replied. "But, yeah, every now and then I send out a demo CD and then sometimes two weeks later, I get a letter back to say 'we appreciate your interest'."

"I've seen the shoebox." Under Kris's bed, and Adam still hadn't worked out if it was a good thing or a bad thing how many letters there were. Did record companies just send _everyone_ who sent them a demo a letter, or did it actually _mean_ something when they encouraged Kris to 'keep working on developing your music style' or that they were 'looking forwards to your future work'?

"You know, I watch American Idol and sometimes I just think: 'I'm a better singer than that guy'. And he's in the top ten or something like that." Kris looked a little embarrassed. "I know it's silly. I mean - "

"You mean you're too chicken to ever try out for something like that," Adam said.

Kris looked like he was actually considering that. "Well, yeah, I guess." Adam rolled his eyes at him. "What? Right now, music's just fun. Sure, I'd love to get the chance to make an album, but that's not the same as declaring on national TV you think you've got what it takes to be a star."

"I've heard you sing and I think you're great."

Kris flushed. "Thanks." As if Adam hadn't told him that hunderds of times already.

And then Adam's cellphone started ringing with Megan's number on the display.

 

.03

Kris's apartment looked - well, it didn't look that bad, actually, so long as you ignored half the living room. Kris wasn't sure if that was bad or good, but it seemed pretty obvious what whomever had broken into the apartment had been searching for.

"Why would anyone be interested in my CD collection?"

Adam looked up from where he was kneeling on the floor, with the kind of gloves on his hand the police always put on when they were investigating a crime scene on TV.

"I was hoping _you_ could tell me that." He rose, brushing some of the dust off his trousers. "Well, we'll have the scene checked for fingerprints, and Megan got a numberplate as well as plenty of pictures from the guy who did this, so hopefully, something will turn up."

"Hopefully," Kris echoed.

"We could get a room for tonight," Adam said casually - which probably meant he didn't mean what Kris thought he might mean. "Between Megan and me, there's no way anyone'd be able to get close enough to hurt you, but even so ... Besides, it'll make it easier for forensics."

"Megan didn't exactly do a lot when this guy broke in," Kris said carefully. "No offense."

"Megan's supposed to lay low unless your life is in danger."

That didn't make a lot of sense to Kris, but he supposed Adam was the expert - or Allison.

"If they think there's one guy protecting you, they might send two guys," Adam explained. "If Megan'd intervened this afternoon, someone might have seen her - and then they might send four guys next time. The idea is that Megan's our back-up."

"Okay." Kris nodded. Put like that, it did make sense. Sort of. "Might not be easy to find a hotel with two spare rooms at this time of the day though."

Adam arched one eyebrow. "You don't want to share?"

"I don't want to have sex with you because someone broke into my apartment and trashed my CD collection," Kris said.

"So what _would_ be a good reason for you?" Adam asked, slowly walking over to where Kris was standing while stripping off his plastic gloves. "Aside from the fact that I still love you like crazy and want you back."

Kris swallowed. Okay, so maybe Adam'd kind of hinted at how he felt before, but he'd never said it out loud. Not like this, without leaving Kris any way to avoid the topic, the question.

Did Kris really want to get back together with Adam? _'I needed you,'_ Adam'd told him, when Kris had called him less than a week ago. _'You weren't there.'_ It might as well have been Kris talking to Adam, instead of the other way around. How often had Kris wanted _Adam_ to be there when he wasn't?

Then again: how often had Kris _needed_ Adam when he wasn't there? He'd called Adam this time, and Adam had come right away.

"No," Adam said. "You don't have to answer that. I shouldn't have asked. This is about your safety - we can talk about ... us later. When you can walk away from me again if that's what you want."

"Okay," Kris said softly. He didn't think anyone in his right mind would ever be able to walk away from Adam; there was a reason he'd taken the coward's way out two years ago.

Good thing he didn't even _want_ to walk away again.

 

Adam found them a hotelroom with two separate beds, thus neatly crashing any half-baked plans Kris might have had about rolling over in his sleep and 'accidentally' ending up on Adam's side of the bed.

For some reason, he'd brought Kris's shoebox of rejection-letters.

"You get one of these for every demo you send?" he asked, waving one of the letters.

"Pretty much, yeah." Kris didn't see what that had to do with the break-in, but maybe Adam was just making small talk, trying to get Kris talking about his music, distract him a little. Kris thought that if Adam really wanted to take his mind off things, he could simply take off his shirt. "Not at first, but this past half year or so, I get a letter almost every time. Last time, I sent out five demos and got four letters back."

"Something special about that?"

Kris shrugged. "I guess maybe it sucked?" he offered. "I was kind of having a shitty week - some friends from work set me up on this blind date, only the guy turned out to be a total jerk."

"One of the losers Paula mentioned?" Adam smirked.

"She never even saw him." Kris snorted. "Total jerk. I told him I had to go to the bathroom and I just went home. Of course, the next day, Dave and Archie claimed I hadn't shown up at all."

"Very non-confrontational of you," Adam said.

Kris grabbed his pillow and swung it at him. Adam ducked, grinning.

"I can be confrontational when I want to be."

"Sure you can, baby."

*

It was hard, going to sleep with Kris in the same room, knowing he could just walk over there and have Kris back again, even if might just be for a night. Even if Kris might decide to leave him again, because Adam wouldn't give up his job, not even for Kris.

When his cellphone buzzed softly, it was almost a relief. "Alli?"

"I'm not interrupting anything? You got a _hotelroom_ together and I'm not even catching you in the afterglow? Please tell me it's just that you're getting old or that you were both tired or something."

"Pass." Adam barely suppressed a yawn. Of course, _now_ his body decided it wanted sleep.

"Coward."

"Kris was really tired," Adam said. "I offered to scrub his back, but he turned me down."

"Were you naked?" Allison asked.

"This conversation is now officially making me uncomfortable."

"I'll take that as a 'no' in which case: your sense of tactics sucks," Allison said. "Daniel Gokey is in town and he's been showing pictures of Kris to people. We don't know for how long, and we don't know where he got the picture and we don't know - "

"You don't know anything beyond the fact that he's doing it," Adam cut in, no longer feeling the least bit sleepy. "Is this payback for two years ago?" Allison remained silent. "Right. You don't know. Fuck."

"He knew you under another name. The chances of his actually having found out your real name are next to zero - let alone track down your address and the name of your boyfriend, who by the time Gokey found out you played him wasn't your boyfriend anymore. On the other hand ... "

"On the other hand, I'm still the only connection between Kris and Gokey," Adam finished.

"As far as we know, yes." Allison sounded apologetic.

"So what's the gameplan?" Adam asked. "I'm not leaving Kris all by himself with someone like Gokey looking for him. If he was in danger before, that goes double now." And what were the chances really, of Kris getting mixed up in two kinds of trouble at the same time? "Could those two goons have been Gokey's? I mean, it makes no sense at all, but ... "

"Gokey threatens Kris, Kris calls you, Gokey kills you both in one go? Makes sense to me," Allison said. "Think about it. You moved about two weeks after the mission - Gokey can't find your new address, but someone somewhere points him in the direction of Kris. Who has also moved - about three times since the two of you split up - but unlike you, he no longer has the Agency keeping him off the records. Gokey eventually finds him and decides to see what'll happen if he puts a bit of pressure on Kris."

"In other words: this is all my fault."

"Everything everywhere always is your fault, Adam. Do you have any idea how much money you cost me in the When Will Adam and Kris Get Back Together office pool?"

"He was right to leave me," Adam said.

"You were still wrong to let him go without a fight," Allison said.

"I claim extenuating circumstances. As in: I wasn't there?" Adam shook his head, trying to focus on what was important now. "What have we got on Gokey?"

"Well, rumor has it he's got a disc with him with all kinds of interesting information on it. Buyers, sellers, locations, shipping schedules, the odd corrupt official ... "

"Sounds good." Knowing Gokey, he was probably also carrying a big magnet, just in case. "Why put it on a disc?"

"Apparently, he doesn't trust e-mail and he doesn't trust anything that can hook up to the internet and he also doesn't want to lug around a laptop." Adam could practically see Allison shrug. Gokey was right, of course; putting the information on a disc made it much harder and more dangerous to get at.

"Bet you've got the DEA and FBI drooling all over themselves at the thought of getting their hands on that disc."

"Among a few others, yes. Happily, they haven't got anyone in place who knows Gokey. Not that it's done me much good so far - our guy's been over Gokey's hotel-room with a comb and found nothing."

"Not entirely surprising, given the point of putting it on a disc is to make it easy to carry around."

"As far as we can tell, he's not doing _that_ , either." Allison sighed.

"Don't think yourself into a headache," Adam said. "And don't forget to sleep."

She chuckled. "Give Kris a kiss for me, will you? Or a blowjob."

"Sorry, didn't catch that. I think maybe my battery needs recharging."

 

They went back to Kris's apartment the next day. The place smelled faintly of lemon, and all of Kris's CDs had been put back in their place, the ones that had been damaged replaced by new ones.

Kris looked impressed. "Some of those took me years to find."

"Is that so?" Adam perked up. "Anything really rare? Recently added?" Would be nice to find out Kris's trouble had had nothing to do with Gokey after all - if also rather unlikely.

Then again, the goons had shown up several days before Gokey'd shown Kris's picture to one of the Agency's informers. It wasn't entirely impossible.

"What - you think someone's after me because I outbid him at the last minute on eBay?" Kris shook his head. "I don't think so. Didn't happen anyway; it's no fun getting stuff off eBay."

"Ha!" Adam said. "This from the man who stayed up all night to make sure he won a t-shirt with Jimmy Hendrix's autograph on it."

Kris blushed slightly. "That was different. It was a gift for a friend."

"Twenty bucks say I can find it in less than ten seconds."

"No bet." Kris sighed. "I just unwrapped it and realized it was, you know - "

" - a smelly old t-shirt," Adam said. " _Not_ a suitable birthday gift."

Kris rolled his eyes and went to unpack his bag.

 

.04

Kris woke up in the middle of the night because someone was shaking him.

"I need to make love to you right now," Adam said.

Kris blinked. "Um, okay?"

Adam released him, got off the bed and then just sort of stood there looking at him. He'd either put on pajamas before coming in (which seemed silly, given what he'd come in for) or he no longer slept naked as he had two years ago.

"Aren't you going to pick it up?"

Kris yawned, then pinched himself. It hurt. So. Not dreaming, although the conversation still didn't make any sense. "Pick _what_ up?"

"The phone?" Adam frowned slightly. "Like I said: it's ringing, and since we don't want everyone to know I'm sleeping here, I thought I'd get you so you can answer it."

" _That_ 's what you said?"

Adam's frown deepened. "What did you _think_ I said? Oh, never mind - just get up and come along, will you? Not like they can expect you to be coherent at this time of night, and we'll be taping the conversation, so don't worry about asking smart questions or anything like that."

"Okay." Kris stumbled to the phone. Luckily, it was still ringing - Kris kept meaning to get voicemail installed, but given that hardly anyone called him at home anyway, it had never seemed worth the bother. He had a cellphone; most people used that. "Hello?"

"Kris. Hello." The voice sounded vaguely familiar.

"Who is this, please?"

"I think you know."

"O-kay. I think you watch too much TV."

"You've got something that belongs to me."

Adam gave Kris a thumbs-up. Kris failed to see what was so great about this being apparently the guy who'd sent the goons - unless maybe Adam was tracking the signal or something like that? Kris watched TV, too; in order to trace a call, people usually needed someone to stay on the line for just five more seconds than they did.

"Could you be a little more specific, maybe?" Kris asked.

"This is a serious matter." Again with the TV villain speak.

"Yeah," Kris said. "So if you tell me what you want, I can get it back to you. I mean, I'm not looking for trouble. Just tell me what this thing is I'm supposed to have. Because I don't know."

Silence. Then: "You really don't know?"

"Cross my heart and hope to die," Kris said, before he quite realized what that last part actually _meant_. "Um, nope. I really don't know."

More silence. Kris looked around for a clock. Adam pulled out his cellphone. "It's a CD."

"A CD," Kris repeated. "I have a lot of CDs." _'As your guy may have noticed when he was breaking in,'_ he didn't add. "Any specific artist?"

Silence, again. "It's not that kind of CD."

Adam lowered his cellphone, eyes wide. Clearly, this meant something to him, although Kris didn't have a clue what. "Oh, you mean like one of those CDs you put in your computer."

"Yes." Adam started dialing a number. "It ... accidentally fell into a pocket of your jacket."

That sounded very unlikely, but all right. "When was this?" It wasn't as if Kris's jacket had the kind of pockets people could 'accidentally' drop things into.

"About three weeks ago."

Three weeks ago? Kris started digging in his memory. Three weeks ago, he'd been ...

"Hey," he said, "you're the jerk! Um. The guy from the blind date! Who ordered the pasta with seafood for me even though I really hate fish. And you were all snobby about the wine."

Adam was talking into his cellphone.

"Snobby?" the Jerk asked. " _Blind date_?"

"Red rose in the top buttonhole of your shirt?" Kris said. "Dave and Archie told me you were pretty hot, and okay, no offense, but you really weren't my type and I just thought it'd be a waste of time to spend my evening eating a dinner I didn't even like. So er sorry I left early and all that."

"I've never gone on a blind date in my life."

"Oh." That explained a few things, Kris supposed. "Guess I got the wrong guy then. Sorry again."

"What about my CD? I put it in a pocket of your jacket. What did you do with it?"

"Why - " Kris started, then decided there was no point. "Um, let me think." He'd come from the studio that afternoon, sent out a few copies of the recording the next day - "Oh! Yes! That. I sent it - " Adam jumped to the phone and hit the disconnect button. " - to a record company," Kris finished. "Probably."

And then Adam was hugging him and calling him an idiot at the same time, even though Kris _still_ didn't have a clue what was going on or what he'd done to deserve either.

 

"Wait," Kris said, once Adam had stopped explaining, "I went on a date with some sort of drugs kingpin?" It seemed unreal. Sure, the guy'd been a jerk, but a _criminal_?

"You thought he was a jerk," Adam said gleefully - or so it sounded to Kris.

"Well, he was." Of course, criminals were probably just like normal people, most of the time, when they weren't, well, committing crimes.

"You had him on the _phone_ and you called him a _jerk_."

"I am awesome," Kris said, because he figured that was pretty much what Adam was saying, "I am awesome and you should totally hook up with me again. Before I, you know, go out on a date with another criminal."

"You," Adam said, "are an _idiot_. God, Kris - he could have killed you!"

Okay, so Adam didn't really think Kris was awesome. "I didn't know who he was! I mean, it was just: _'hey, I'm Daniel Gokey - call me Danny'_. He didn't mention anything about drugs."

"You were lucky."

"Oh, yeah. Especially that whole part where he stuck his disc in my pocket."

Adam considered. "Well, it was sort of lucky for _me_ ," he said. "I mean, now all we have to do is go visit those record companies you sent the copies to, see which one of them didn't get a disc with music on it. And then I'll tell the ones who _did_ get a normal copy that they're being idiots."

"Got a lot of pull in the music business, do you?" Kris asked, amused.

"You have no idea," Adam said, yawning. "Excuse me."

Kris grinned. "You should be in bed."

"Couch," Adam said.

"Bed."

"I'm tired."

"Yeah, so bed," Kris coaxed.

Adam sighed, yawning again. "Fine."

*

It felt strange, to wake up in the same bed as Kris. At least it was big enough for two people (and Adam tried very hard not to think about who _else_ Kris might have shared it with; they weren't here now, and he was). Kris had snuggled up to him in his sleep, of course. Kris was a snuggler, which was lucky, since Adam was (allegedly) a blanket-hogger.

Adam did wonder how he was supposed to get up without waking Kris though.

"You can get up and make me breakfast in bed, and I'll pretend I'm still asleep," Kris mumbled. "How's that sound?"

"No deal," Adam said. "Besides, I want to get that disc. Gokey won't have figured out what you did with it yet, but why take the risk?"

"You used to be fun."

"No, I didn't."

"Well, no," Kris admitted, far too easily in Adam's opinion. "But that was when we were still having steamy hot sex. So I figured, you know, we could trade in that part for you making me breakfast."

"You'd trade in sex with me for breakfast?" That was just insulting.

"I'd be willing to settle for getting both?"

"Don't think I don't see what you did there." Adam sighed, then wriggled out from under Kris. "I'm going to go grab a shower. You can either stay here or make breakfast."

"Tough choice. I'll have to think about it for a while."

Adam chuckled and went to check if Kris's shower was big enough for two people, too.

 

"You suck so amazingly hard," Allison told him. "And I don't mean in the fun kind of way."

"I'm driving," Adam said. "Fair warning: if this conversation gets uncomfortable, I'm going to hang up on you."

Kris looked at him sideways, a question in his eyes. _'Allison,'_ Adam mouthed. Kris grinned.

Nice to know his boyfriend liked his boss. "You had him in bed! Naked!"

"Not naked!" Adam said. "Nobody was naked at any point in the proceedings."

"See?" Allison said. "This is why you suck."

"You're only mad because you lost money betting on me again." Adam wondered if there was some way to put down a bet on himself. Might be a nice way to make a few extra bucks - and it _was_ his lovelife that was being betted on after all. Well, his and Kris's.

"And you know what'll make me stop being mad at you again, don't you?"

"The disc? We're on our way to the last two companies."

"On a professional level, I will stop being mad at you if you bring me the disc," Allison said. "Now, why don't you let me talk to Kris for a few moments?"

Adam hung up. Five seconds later, Kris's cellphone started ringing. "Don't answer that."

"Hey, Allison. Why's Adam telling me not to answer my cellphone?"

 

.05

Kris stared at the disc. Adam stared at the disc. The secretary from the record company stared at Adam.

At first, Kris thought she was just wondering what Adam wanted the disc for, then it occured to him she might think Adam was hot. Kris put his hand on Adam's shoulder. "Hey."

"You've been very helpful, thank you," Adam said.

She blushed. She definitely thought Adam was hot, then. "Yeah, thanks," Kris said. "We have to go now." Allison would be waiting for that disc.

"What's with the hurry?" Adam asked as they walked back to the car.

"She thought you were hot."

"You're jealous." Adam grinned. "It's like you're my boyfriend or something like that."

"Instead of your idiotic ex?"

Adam didn't answer that which - well, nice to hear Adam didn't really think he was an idiot. "What did Allison want to talk to you about?"

"I could tell you, but then you'd have to kill me," Kris said.

Adam rolled his eyes.

"You'd never do that, of course, but, you know, it'd probably make you feel like you couldn't have sex with me ever again," Kris went on. "And I'm still hopeful that might be happening at some point."

Adam got into the car. "It's not that I don't want to," he said.

"Could have fooled me," Kris said cheerfully.

"I just don't want you to leave me again."

"Yeah," Kris said. "Allison told me you were being a chicken."

 

It felt too easy, somehow, at the end of the day. Kris hadn't liked being threatened, but all the same, if this'd been a movie or a book, there would have been a scene near the end where Kris's life would have been in clear and imminent danger, and Adam'd have saved him - possibly getting critically injured in the process. Then Kris would be sitting in the hospital for several hours, unsure if Adam'd live.

The ending scene would be of Adam opening his eyes and Kris promising to never leave him again.

"Kris, kiss Adam for me, will you?" Allison twirled the disc in her fingers.

"You can kiss me," Adam said quickly. "I'm gay, not allergic to women."

"I'm shy about kissing people when other people are watching," Kris said.

"Okay." Allison rose. "This is me, leaving. See? I can take a hint."

"It wasn't a hint." Adam looked at Kris like he really didn't want to be left alone with him.

Kris wondered what _that_ was about. "Look," he said, "you want me to promise you I'll stay with you forever, forget it. I'm not going to promise something like that."

"O-kay." Adam might look disappointed. A little. "Glad we got that settled." Or maybe not.

"This is not a movie," Kris said. "Or a book. This is real. You didn't save my life, and I didn't save your life, and neither of us ended up in a hospital. So. You know, there's good stuff, too."

"Yes?"

Kris took a deep breath. "I'm getting back together with you, and I'm going to stay until I don't want to anymore. That's my offer. Take it or don't take it."

"I take it," Adam said. "Only, would you mind holding off making it public until I've found out who's running this betting pool on when we hook up?"

"Sex tonight and my lips will be sealed for at least a day."


End file.
